I have a definition of marriage and for comedy. It's an intellectual definition that will make you think, like everything else you hear from me. Here it goes:

Marriage is an agreement between two people to overestimate each other. When one of the parties starts to underestimate, a breakup is imminent.

Comedy is someone else's tragedy. Seriously. It makes you a bad person. You actually enjoy and laugh at someone else's misery. So the more you laugh at my life, the more vicious you are.